Any More?

What is there to a gay life?
We go to bars and hang out with guys, we sleep around, some say we blog it out and form a "brotherhood", we make friends... and some enemy's along the way... we gossip, we talk behind backs... we lust then we make decsions that are burdens us with the blurry future...
What is there to a gay life?

Sorry if I may sound to melancholic. The truth hit me today when I suddenly have my grandpa wishing my mum happy birthday and saying that she will turn into a granny soon... Being the eldest and the most eligible to be married at the moment... though it is not time at all... I sometimes wonder if I am gay at all?

I ponder at the fact that I am not able to so call "let my family down" but hey, what do I want? I have no faith in the fact that someone would pick me out of the bunch to be his one and only. I have so given up on love as such hope are distant in that heart of mine...

And I ponder, will I someday wake up when I am 50 and look at my miserable life and question the choices I have made? Would I be one of those guys who would seek for affection of younger men to fulfill my loneliness...

Question unanswered swirled round and pass me by but what am I to do... What will I be?
Perhaps all I have now is Cea Sera Sera, What will be, will indeed be...