Tuesday, January 13, 2009

And Then He Told Me...

Negative or Positive?
It has plagued my mind for the last few days. I curled up by the side of my bed wondering if I would soon discover one of the worst horror of my life. Sammie told me that I better do it and Bong has not been very encouraging when I relate my situation to him. In short, I was sure that I am doomed.

Last Saturday, I finally decided to head to PT Foundation. I procrastinated for a long time since i was not sure what to expect. As far as my sexual experiences has been so far, I never once had intercourse that would risk myself from being infected with HIV but still, a nagging feeling was embedded deep within me, telling me something was just not right. And of late, I have became more and more adventurous. I tried different things and met different guys.

I suppose I am becoming who I fear myself to be. A slut, a whore that sleeps around with any men who is willing to come close to where I stand. I am not afraid to admit I love being touched by a man, a tender kiss on my pink lips and unveiling of my perfectly (or imperfectly) engineered slim body and collapsing into the soft mattress, two bodies filled with passion...

Though that may sound "porny" but isn't that wht we have always longed for? The two hours or sometimes three of romance, passion and lust all mixed up into one orgasmic moment does put depressing mood swings I constantly have at bay but when I couldn't even ount the men I have a history with with my fingers (and toes), I knew I need that check up desperately.

I left that afternoon from college and arrived at the worst side of town ie Chow Kit Road. Bustling buses ran across the street rampantly while hagard looking men swarm the place in search for what may seem to be love at the corners of the street. Loud music boomed from cheap looking TV sets and there I was, looking for my way to where I was told to be not so far from the monorail station I came out of.

I finally managed to find my way through a myriad of what seemed to be shops and I went up a few flight of stairs litted by dimm lights and an eerie aura. I went into the foundation with a slim chinese boy greeting me and asked me if I was there for the first time. I confirmed it and was handed a pink file where I fille up endles Q&As, all relating to my general knowledge to HIV and AIDS.

When I am done, Andy, my counsellor took me into a room and asked some rather specific questions about my sex life and assessed me if I am ready for that test.I felt like he was going to pounce on me the next moment with his many questions... I was rather charasmatic but when he finally showed me the way the results would reflect and what if (touch wood) I got the virus, what are the next step they are gonna take. At that point in time, I could almost imagine myself explaining to my parents and going for support groups, having the foundation to take me on my weekly check ups and eating countless types of pills to get myself to live for another day.

So when he finally decided that I was ready for the check up, I was brought into another room with a rather hunky guy in it who will extract blood from me to do the chek up. I gave him my left hand and he pricked my left ring finger and a few drops of blood into the test kit. I was asked to leave and to wait for 10-15 minutes. I left and I instantly called Sammie for support, the wait caused me to be anxious and I felt like the very worst were to happen. My guts were tied in knots with butterflies fluttering all over and my heart pounded faster than ever. Soon, before I knew it, an Indian lady walked into the room to get my results and yelled a rather soft "Yes".

What does that mean?
I slowly followed her after being instructed to do so and returned to the room I was counselled. Turns out, only one strand mark the C on the test kit, signifying that I am tested Negative. I was still in shock. Not that I was not elated but I knew that only a week ago, I had anal sex or rather, someone finally intruded me for a few brief seconds. I am in the window period and god knows if I am safe but for now, I am as fit as the fiddle (or fiddler) next to me. As I shall reurn in 3 months time, I need to be thankful for being safe thus far.