It is interesting how some people really think that being gay is a choice. It is interesting that people think we can grow out of it like some sort of addiction or some bad habit we could kick off. Being gay is not like going through puberty and it sometimes agitates me that the people closest to you cannot understand nor comprehend what I have been through albeit being with you through out your life.
It was just a lazy Monday afternoon in which was a public holiday and my mum and I with a few other family members went out for a late lunch. As usual, we would be chatting and the topic of an old bar counter being transferred to my house rendered me to comment that it should only be shifted into the house when I move out. From there, we started to debate about me moving out and why they think I shouldn't.
The debate went into a debacle and soon I was saying I want my own space to do what I want to do not being subjected to my family being present and there it sparked my mum's rage to say "You just want to move out so that you can do those disgusting things you do. I am giving you a few years to mature and change but don't you know what you are doing is bad and you must understand you are chinese and being the eldest son, you have responsibilities"
I can't help but wonder what has all this being the merits of me not moving out. Does she really think that one could conform into being not gay due to maturity? Is it just an issue of being childish in wanting to be subjected to the very natural sexual desires I have.
The interesting part was she said they placed so much hopes into me and that they have high expectations. But the question remains... is being gay equivalent to not having a good job, not having a normal life or rather a quality life as the chinese would demand. And what is so different about being gay? We eat the same food, go to malls and shop, wear male garments (except we have better fashion sense) and we do everything a male, and in some cases, some alpha males do. The only difference is in the inside, just the sexual desire of wanting a man, instead of a woman.
If I may put it as so, it is almost like having a PC and a Mac. No difference being both are computers but the internal hard drive and the way the software work differs. It doesn't mean that if it does not run Windows it is bad. It is all about embracing the Mac's way and you will see it is not that different after all... We still need to recharge and reboot. We can still upload and download. The only difference is that it runs on a different software (or hardware)
Things will cool down eventually but I hope my mother sees that its not about not mentioning things and the fact that we are going to keep everything under rug swept and it will remain that way. It is sad that she cannot accept this but which mother could? I envy those friends who have mother's who could accept them with open arms but as for mine, I still love her. Just takes a while for her to love me, being who I am....
And now I long to belt out I am what I am... from La Cage Aux Folles...
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On a separate note, I realised too that despite my mother being so discouraging, my relationship has also been experiencing some shake ups. John (my BF, lets not call him Donnie Love anymore...He doesn't like it!) and I had a row due to me being very unreasonable on two separate occasions. I can be ultra melodramatic being the drama king (some say queen) in me. But he did the most romantic thing... it was when I walked away he grabbed me and hugged me on the main road where our lil argument had been and he didn't let me go... Yes yes, very much of the type you see in Hong Kong Tele-series where at that moment they play music that seemed like there is hope for the two main cast to reunite... well, it was about there and of course then there were some hot make up after...
I love you my Jonjon... from your wongwong...
Yes... Thats what we call ourselves... Don't be Jealous... Humphh....
...and people... Remember to stock up yeah!!!
