And He goes to...

I keep telling myself every night to study but I end up in front of the PC or in bed snoozing... But out of my many discoveries, I found this on Ohlala where it is one of the few films in the running for the title "Best Animated Short Film" in the 2010 Oscars.

Do check them out especially the first one, directed by Antonio Banderas.

* “The Cat Piano,” Eddie White and Ari Gibson, directors (The People’s Republic of Animation)


* “French Roast,” Fabrice O. Joubert, director (Pumpkin Factory/Bibo Films)


* “Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty,” Nicky Phelan, director, and Darragh O’Connell, producer (Brown Bag Films)


* “The Kinematograph,” Tomek Baginski, director-producer (Platige Image)

This one I can't get the movie but the trailer only!!!

* “The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte),” Javier Recio Gracia, director (Kandor Graphics and Green Moon)

This is Directed by Antonio Banderas...

* “Logorama,” Nicolas Schmerkin, producer (Autour de Minuit)



This is Hilarious....

* “A Matter of Loaf and Death,” Nick Park, director (Aardman Animations Ltd.)

It's Wallace and Gromit but unfortunately... it's a Trailer...

* “Partly Cloudy,” Peter Sohn, director (Pixar Animation Studios)

This is the mini movie before Up! I love Pixar!!!

* “Runaway,” Cordell Barker, director (National Film Board of Canada)

Teaser again...sheesh...

* “Variete,” Roelof van den Bergh, director (il Luster Productions)

Just the teaser found...

Well, we have always been so focused on the actor and the actresses and the directors and I think it is fun for once to check out which one of these will win. I kinda like Pixar's "Partly Cloudy" and I think the clip directed by Antonio Banderas is quite poignant but well, let's check out who will bring home the golden statuette.

Taste of the Forbidden Fruit

John saw this video on Youtube and asked me to watch it. It poses much concern that we, Asian men, face as we live our challenging lives as gay men. The video place Asian men in the light of being in someway prejudiced by how the gay society views us as and what struggles we share. While it is comforting that what they go through are issues I am very much akin to, there are things mentioned that kept me pondering, rather, worried.

Unashamed, John and I are separated by a big age gap. We fit into what is known as the whole 'Sugar Daddy meet Toy Boy' mold perfectly. We sat in Starbucks just the other sharing our views and concerns, figuring out if we fit each other while fearing if this is some sick relationship that spun out of the fact that we are just like what was mentioned in the video.

However, we do come to the conclusion that we don't fall into the whole mature men preying on the young and defenseless. Heck, bashfully I must admit that I was the predator and not the prey when it came to how we met. If I was into money, I doubt I would be jealous about other boys and I doubt I would be in for the trouble of driving to his house to surprise him with birthday parties and stuff and buying him very expensive (to my standards) christmas presents. While I honestly believe the same applies to him as he has been very affectionate and he does put up a lot for me, pouring out not just money but time and patience knowing the Drama Mama in me.

Like any couple, we must remind ourselves we are different from that stereo-typical couple though the question that prevails continue to plague us... "Could two seemingly different people, in terms of finances, age and ethnicity could genuinely be attracted to the other person... or is he attracted to his contradictions?"

It is a journey we are embarking on but I strongly believe it is to the former, not the latter. Alas, only destiny holds the key to that of what we think, or assume as our lil conundrum.

Monogamy Sucks

It does... doesn't it?

As many may (or may not) agree, gay relationships are like the special Olympics. You have a different set of rules, different game players and the standards are lowered and you are left with a penumbra, a void in which have a few loose ends that gives you room for your personal discretion.

Stepping into our 7 month relationship, I wonder if we and John are cut out to be the golden couple. Dating someone who is a lil more mature and has financial stability (the sort where even your folks can't compete), good looks and charm that gets all the Asian boys falling from trees, it is tough not to have your fingers gripping when you are not around him.

Just the other day, we went for a stroll in KLCC and he decided to go into Body Shop and lo and behold, stood Jojo, an all chinese boy with the typical 'I-have-an-ass-for-you' smile and his hungry (bottom) eyes, putting out the strong vibe at John. John, of course, just kept it cool but as we left the place, he turned back and gleamed when he realised the guy looked at him longingly... Later, we went into Hugo Boss and yes, his lil old tart, some guy he once fancied was there and as usual tried to sell him something. Friends told me he was merely selling him an item for the commision but come on, you can tell he was not only aiming for his back pocket but in the meantime hit the zipper as well right?

Don't get me wrong. I am not placing the blame on him. John has been the sweetest boyfried and I sincerely believe that he is not one of 'those' guys who would opt for an open relationship but the question lies on the fact whether are all men, just men? Are all men subjected to their raging testosterone that incapacitates them to hold it in? And the pressing question is...are all men born to be unable to stay monogamous? Monogamy... is it worth the holding in?

I am not changing my views that I want to have a monogamous relationship but in a gay relationship, being monogamous is a challenge in itself. Society has termed it to a sense where straight = monogamous and gay=polygamy. It is not unheard of the term open relationship but do such relationships really do exist? It is a struggle to keep sane at times wondering if a temptress (or in our context a tempter-ess) would one day stroll into our lives and separate us. However, isn't that the same as well for straight couples? Don't we all at the end of the day struggle the same thing?

For me, after John and I talked about it, we did come to a conclusion that relationships are built on trust. Easier said than done, trust encompasses faith, which in the bible did describe as 'believing in something you don't see' but I have to add in the fact too that faith IS believing in something we DO see. We see it in the acts and conducts but the tough part is in the absence of something that we can use as collateral to trust, we lose faith. So trust... to have faith or not, that is the question?

I am faithful!!!

Or am I not?

Choices?

It is interesting how some people really think that being gay is a choice. It is interesting that people think we can grow out of it like some sort of addiction or some bad habit we could kick off. Being gay is not like going through puberty and it sometimes agitates me that the people closest to you cannot understand nor comprehend what I have been through albeit being with you through out your life.

It was just a lazy Monday afternoon in which was a public holiday and my mum and I with a few other family members went out for a late lunch. As usual, we would be chatting and the topic of an old bar counter being transferred to my house rendered me to comment that it should only be shifted into the house when I move out. From there, we started to debate about me moving out and why they think I shouldn't.

The debate went into a debacle and soon I was saying I want my own space to do what I want to do not being subjected to my family being present and there it sparked my mum's rage to say "You just want to move out so that you can do those disgusting things you do. I am giving you a few years to mature and change but don't you know what you are doing is bad and you must understand you are chinese and being the eldest son, you have responsibilities"

I can't help but wonder what has all this being the merits of me not moving out. Does she really think that one could conform into being not gay due to maturity? Is it just an issue of being childish in wanting to be subjected to the very natural sexual desires I have.

The interesting part was she said they placed so much hopes into me and that they have high expectations. But the question remains... is being gay equivalent to not having a good job, not having a normal life or rather a quality life as the chinese would demand. And what is so different about being gay? We eat the same food, go to malls and shop, wear male garments (except we have better fashion sense) and we do everything a male, and in some cases, some alpha males do. The only difference is in the inside, just the sexual desire of wanting a man, instead of a woman.

If I may put it as so, it is almost like having a PC and a Mac. No difference being both are computers but the internal hard drive and the way the software work differs. It doesn't mean that if it does not run Windows it is bad. It is all about embracing the Mac's way and you will see it is not that different after all... We still need to recharge and reboot. We can still upload and download. The only difference is that it runs on a different software (or hardware)

Things will cool down eventually but I hope my mother sees that its not about not mentioning things and the fact that we are going to keep everything under rug swept and it will remain that way. It is sad that she cannot accept this but which mother could? I envy those friends who have mother's who could accept them with open arms but as for mine, I still love her. Just takes a while for her to love me, being who I am....

And now I long to belt out I am what I am... from La Cage Aux Folles...

*********************

On a separate note, I realised too that despite my mother being so discouraging, my relationship has also been experiencing some shake ups. John (my BF, lets not call him Donnie Love anymore...He doesn't like it!) and I had a row due to me being very unreasonable on two separate occasions. I can be ultra melodramatic being the drama king (some say queen) in me. But he did the most romantic thing... it was when I walked away he grabbed me and hugged me on the main road where our lil argument had been and he didn't let me go... Yes yes, very much of the type you see in Hong Kong Tele-series where at that moment they play music that seemed like there is hope for the two main cast to reunite... well, it was about there and of course then there were some hot make up after...

I love you my Jonjon... from your wongwong...

Yes... Thats what we call ourselves... Don't be Jealous... Humphh....

...and people... Remember to stock up yeah!!!

And just after 10 months...

It has been the longest time since I have an urge to blog. To begin with, after my last post, I didn't know why I blogged and more importantly... who for? I realised at that time I was merely blogging as it was the latest gay fad in town. No doubt, I have met many wonderful friends along the journey and picked up some life lessons about people, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Today, as innocently as I received a mail on facebook that calls for the need to read a blog, I saw my blog being tagged and it has been 10 months since I last blogged. So I decided its time to pay my blog a lil visit. How I laughed at all that I have written in a short span of a year. Most of it were just me ranting about how pathetic life has treated me but looking back, my last 10 months were just amazing.

Well, for one, I did what I have always wanted to do. I performed in a musical. One called Kaki Blue. Not so blue, or perhaps pretty blue, it was a musical about National Service and the best part, I got to play one of the lead role. It was exhilarating and I loved every moment of it. And around the same time, I met Donnie. Thats a pseudonym of course yet, I was told someone used to call him "Donnie Darling" which is much to my distaste. And it has lasted a beautiful 7 months this coming friday.

And of course life goes on, American Idol again and Exams yet again but I have just realised that things did change a little. I didn't grow any taller and still none the wiser but I think I have learned about myself a little bit more, to love my life a little bit more and perhaps a lil more mature than I used to be. And that is all for now...