And Then He Told Me...

Negative or Positive?

It has plagued my mind for the last few days. I curled up by the side of my bed wondering if I would soon discover one of the worst horror of my life. Sammie told me that I better do it and Bong has not been very encouraging when I relate my situation to him. In short, I was sure that I am doomed.

Last Saturday, I finally decided to head to PT Foundation. I procrastinated for a long time since i was not sure what to expect. As far as my sexual experiences has been so far, I never once had intercourse that would risk myself from being infected with HIV but still, a nagging feeling was embedded deep within me, telling me something was just not right. And of late, I have became more and more adventurous. I tried different things and met different guys.

I suppose I am becoming who I fear myself to be. A slut, a whore that sleeps around with any men who is willing to come close to where I stand. I am not afraid to admit I love being touched by a man, a tender kiss on my pink lips and unveiling of my perfectly (or imperfectly) engineered slim body and collapsing into the soft mattress, two bodies filled with passion...




Though that may sound "porny" but isn't that wht we have always longed for? The two hours or sometimes three of romance, passion and lust all mixed up into one orgasmic moment does put depressing mood swings I constantly have at bay but when I couldn't even ount the men I have a history with with my fingers (and toes), I knew I need that check up desperately.

I left that afternoon from college and arrived at the worst side of town ie Chow Kit Road. Bustling buses ran across the street rampantly while hagard looking men swarm the place in search for what may seem to be love at the corners of the street. Loud music boomed from cheap looking TV sets and there I was, looking for my way to where I was told to be not so far from the monorail station I came out of.

I finally managed to find my way through a myriad of what seemed to be shops and I went up a few flight of stairs litted by dimm lights and an eerie aura. I went into the foundation with a slim chinese boy greeting me and asked me if I was there for the first time. I confirmed it and was handed a pink file where I fille up endles Q&As, all relating to my general knowledge to HIV and AIDS.

When I am done, Andy, my counsellor took me into a room and asked some rather specific questions about my sex life and assessed me if I am ready for that test.I felt like he was going to pounce on me the next moment with his many questions... I was rather charasmatic but when he finally showed me the way the results would reflect and what if (touch wood) I got the virus, what are the next step they are gonna take. At that point in time, I could almost imagine myself explaining to my parents and going for support groups, having the foundation to take me on my weekly check ups and eating countless types of pills to get myself to live for another day.


So when he finally decided that I was ready for the check up, I was brought into another room with a rather hunky guy in it who will extract blood from me to do the chek up. I gave him my left hand and he pricked my left ring finger and a few drops of blood into the test kit. I was asked to leave and to wait for 10-15 minutes. I left and I instantly called Sammie for support, the wait caused me to be anxious and I felt like the very worst were to happen. My guts were tied in knots with butterflies fluttering all over and my heart pounded faster than ever. Soon, before I knew it, an Indian lady walked into the room to get my results and yelled a rather soft "Yes".

What does that mean?

I slowly followed her after being instructed to do so and returned to the room I was counselled. Turns out, only one strand mark the C on the test kit, signifying that I am tested Negative. I was still in shock. Not that I was not elated but I knew that only a week ago, I had anal sex or rather, someone finally intruded me for a few brief seconds. I am in the window period and god knows if I am safe but for now, I am as fit as the fiddle (or fiddler) next to me. As I shall reurn in 3 months time, I need to be thankful for being safe thus far.

Amen!

The Long Long Post... Just Before New Year... Or Now After!

It has been absurdly long since I took the time to really spend time writing something worth reading or to the very least, worth talking about. As usual, the month of December totally makes one's head go wild as it is a month filled with things to do...

HONG KONG, MACAU, ZHUHAI

Well, my folks and the entire extended family... 18 of us to be exact left for a trip of around 8 days just having lovely food, shopping, going round as a family to bond and we had a lot of fun...

Loved Zhuhai for it's food yet the hotel suite we lived in was awful as the day we left, there was a chip on some crystal ash tray which we barely touched... The thing is how could such minute thing be noticeable at a first glance? So we fired them up and refused to pay for it... As I love to say, its just a matter of principle...
But still, we had fun with hairy crabs galore and me trying water roaches which turned out to be quite a mouth watering experience...

Macau was amazing since we got to stay in the newest, hippest and luxurious hotel, the one and only Venetian. Yet, I felt it was a shame not have caught Zaia, the new Cirque Du Soleil show. I got the programme however and bloody hell, the guys are way way hot!

Then there is Hong Kong. The main reason for the trip was because we had won for the second year consecutively rooms and park tickets for Disneyland. It is sinful but I have visited it for like the 6th or 7th time... I know I am mad but what to do? I am a Disney fan and yes, I am working my way to get into that corporation...

LOTR

No pictures for this one as I failed to bring my camera there yet, I loved the experience of working with the orchestra booming away and we singing to a crowd that seems tasteful enough... I loved looking at my eye candies all the time and yet, most of them are straight which has gone to waste. I know a million and one things I could do with those boys...




Oh and my amazingly hot crush, Andrew Dunsmore,the percussionist was the best. I found out that he was from Toronto. I missed the chance of talking to him but his percussion skills were amazing. He kept the beat going and I wonder if that is the case with his other skills...

Taiwan

Arghhh... a trip to work again and not that I am complaining but I have a few trips for pleasure and travelling for work, isn't exactly fun! Yet, I had a real good time just shopping and meeting my aunt in Kaoshiung but the best part? Yes, I went to Taiwan upgraded onto Business class... They were giving totally different treatment to me... "Mr Wong, would you like to look at the menu?" I was like heck, they have a menu in flight? "Mr Wong, would you like a drink?" Yes please and I ended up with champagne, wine and cocktail... "Mr Wong, is there anything I can help you with?" Yes, the guy next to aisle is kinda cute... Hook me up!

Well that didn't happen but after I realised he bought toys like for kids round the age 7-8 (it was a lego set that I used to play with at that age) forget it!

So there you go, my full and final report for the month and as the year wraps, everyone has their resolutions and plans...

What are mine?

Yet to be listed yet I don't think it would be too long since you hear the last of it...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Edisi Baru...

Clubbing has always been one of the things I wanted to do in the year of 2008 and guess what? I went out on New Years Eve (finally) and met up with random new friends with one Brian (old old white guy) having his hands all over me during a drink below Sky Bar (since its all reserved) which later adjourned to O*range which was uber gay yet I had fun... guys throwing their hot bods at everyone...The music was so loud I thought I was deaf when i got out in the open...

However, I had fun nevertheless and for 2009... Who knows if I could get hitched with someone... and yes, I promise to be more commited to write!

Into the West

I somehow feel afresh after a good nights rest. My previous nights have been filled with little rest and much of Lord of The Rings since the week started. The Young KL Singers debuted on one of Malaysia's most prestigious platform, along with the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra in A lovely hall in KLCC...

It was a great experience since not any Tom, Dick and Harry (unless you are Harry Connick Jr) who can carry a tune or two is allowed to stand on that stage and performed. Twas a lovely opportunity yet the musical score is one i have never encountered with countless transitions that got me counting on my very toes. Yet, as mum says, I have been complaining over and over this performance, ranting and squealing at the same time, I loved this performance. it brings out the better man in me as now I have seen more and learned more...

Enough of that sappy stuff... I am not going all philosophical and sentimental over my last days with the choir...

We have to now start on the topic of cute guys in the orchestra...
3 caught my eyes though there are more, i have to just talk about 3...

A violinist, a trumpeter and a percussionist...

All so cute yet, I found out that the violinist has a girlfriend since his violin case has a picture of a gurl...

Later, I saw the trumpeter's left hand shimmering and lo and behold, a band of gold on his fourth finger...

Lastly, my favourite, the only guy who wished me good morning on the first day I stepped into the hall, the percussionist who looked all so my type... Yet, he is, according to some hopefully unreliable sources, to be straight as well...
sobs...

And that triggered my PMSes again as I kinda feel a surge of loneliness... Seeing Aaron having a new gf is not helping with him texting her every moment of the day...
I suppose I am longing for my void to be filled...
and is wondering when his endless plea for a man would end...

ahhh... for those who couldn't make it for the performance though...
here is a song dedicated to you guys...

Lay down,
your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.
You have come to journey’s end.

Sleep now, and dream
of the ones who came before.
They are calling,
from across a distant shore.

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see.
All of your fears will pass away.
Safe in my arms,
you’re only sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
All souls pass.

Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don’t say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again.
And you’ll be here in my arms,
Just sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
Grey ships pass
Into the West.

A crush on me?

Goodness...
This is such an adorable scene...

So there I was online and on Facebook when this guy whom I am not really close with suddenly added me on MSN. So we exchanged a few hellos and stuffs like that. Then he asked if I was gay and I didn't really want to come out yet as I really wanna know which culprit in our social circle told him.

Alas, I found out and So we journeyed in talking about the gay guys we know of and out of a sudden he told me I was cute... and I went... HHHhhhhmmmm.....

OK... That's odd and later he told me he liked me and I was like... Ermm.....
Mind you, I love being liked and all but I am talking about a boy who is 17 years old only. He is about to be sent to NS and I was like so flattered yet unsure where this is going...

Of course being the realistic me. I know this is so not my thing as I am in want of someone to watch over me, not me watching over him and all... He is still very much a kid to me and he was the sweetest kid in telling me things I longed to hear such a long time but from someone who just passed the age of being a minor, I have to really digest this...

Later, I found out that he has a crush on me since the first time he saw me, which was January early this year. I thought a crush is something he can forget very quickly but he said he couldn't and that he liked me still. I was getting a lil freaked out. The fact that i actually talked to him a few weeks ago made him a lil jumpy and that explain why he was blushing that day....

Gosh...
such a dilemma...
such a young kid...
such a tender heart...
such a bad me...

The L Word

Lethargic? Lazy?

I have no idea but these days blogging is not on my priority list any longer as I am not sure what good it is to blog anymore. Initially it was because Joery got me into this so called "healthy" way of getting to know people who share my predicament. However, blogging has gotten me into more trouble and a lil bit more tears than expected yet, I must agree I met some lovely people and I see people online as being nothing more than human, filled with err and emotions.

I do question actually who reads my blog. I read a few when I get online and they are often filled with comments, mostly by their friends and fans alike and I must say, bloggers take time to fill their blogs with interesting posts and pictures.

Then it comes to my blog. One that is a pretty stagnant one, one that doesn't seem to be a crowd magnet and seemed to be mostly visited by yours truly.

So why do I blog again?

Don't get me wrong. This is not a pathetic plea for attention but I do wonder why I am doing this. Is it for people to get to know me? An avenue to brag? Or just because I am lifeless that I spare more time on the PC?

I really need to find a purpose in Glog...

Wedding Bliss

I adore weddings. I love the fact that unions are formed on the fact that you found that special someone in the midst of the millions of people you meet.



I attended a wedding dinner last night, it is arguably the very first union formed in the choir. It is only natural the night is filled with music and a lot of singing and the mention of the name YKLS. What I love the most is the fact that the bride and groom were surrounded by friends and family appreciating one another. The couple presented their parents and grandparents, a plaque that reads, in Chinese, that signifies family unity. I found that a great gesture of appreciation.

The best part of all is the fact that the friends poured in effort to celebrate their union. It struck me out of a sudden... When I get married, will I be celebrated in this manner? Lets not think about the technical side of it all. But how many friends will surround me? I question...

But I suppose that is left to be seen...

Anyway, for party favours, each one of us gets a personal CD filled with lovely romantic songs including a song written and sung by the groom himself. Thats not all, the CD has your name printed on the cover. I find this one of the best favours...

So are you gay?

Come on!
Its not rare that we all get this question.
Not only do we get the gaydar but many straight women do too...
These straight people would hide in corners, putting forth charts and will go into deep discussion about who is gay and all.
So I was posed this question many time before and i have learned the skill to brush it off, even when it comes to the point I was asked again...

Tam: Eh, so are you gay?
G-log: Waht you think?
Tam: I dunno, thats why I ask you mah!
G-log: Hmmm....

(Diverts to something then a few minutes later...)

Tam: So you haven't tell me, are you gay?
G-log: Well, do I look that obvious to you?
Tam: A little lor, but not like ^%$^$ who is constantly like that hor and....

See? I didn't answer the question at all!
But when I was posed with it, to certain people I am close with, I actually answer them truthfully but along the journey I have experienced being hurt with homofobics as well. they ewwwed and hated me for it.. I was told that I am stupid for letting some of them know what lies behind my veil. So I decided that not everyone has the privilege to know about it.

And I even had fun with friends who would be cool that I am gay and we would be talking about which gal is hot whoich would divert into a conversation of which guy is hot. for a moment there, it made me felt like I was in one of those guy talks that, I realised, I never had with my straight friends. So what am I saying here? I dunno, I guess that there are all these people who would make fun of way, while some encouraging and yes, some who are blatantly out to get you, it just makes the world round and for us to now put on some scanners instead of looking at the world in rose tinted glasses...